Out with the old, in with the new...

Brace yourselves for a very cliched post about new years and new beginnings, about spring cleans and de-cluttering and ways to feel better both inside and out, body and mind.  Oh yes! it's that wonderful new year post filled with high expectations and low achievements, broken resolutions and more ups and downs than you can stomach.  But it has to be done right?! and new year wouldn't be a new year if you didn't sit yourself down and give yourself a good talking to about how not to repeat the mistakes of yester-year and how this one will be the best year of your life because lets face it it probably wont be and in about 350 more days you will be right back here re-living this whole experience but it's a tradition I kind of never want to break..

Although it wasn't the best year of my life it certainly wasn't the worst and there have been lessons learnt along the way i.e.

1. how to be less of a twat and learning to tolerate others that are bigger twats.

2. how to never let others try and define who you are, yes you may be a twat but if that is part of who are then embrace it and move on, there's always this great need to try and fit in with society and it seems as though it's drummed into us from a very young age but the older you get the more you realise you don't want to be a part of that gang anymore.

3. Taking time for yourself is not selfish nor should you scold yourself for doing it, slip off into the sunset, drift off inside a good book, take a long drive with no real destination and then pull yourself together and carry on, you have no other choice but to so appreciate what you do have and live for the moment.  Spend atleast 10 or 15 minutes a day in just your own company and do a little something everyday that makes you happy.

4. Appreciate those around you, speaking solely from experience, tell your mum you love her as many times as you physically can, you can never say it enough, because should the time come you no longer have the option to, you will want to say it more.  Say please and thank you, it's the way you were bought up and it's the way I hope to bring up my own children one day.

5.  It's a new year which means we're allowed to wipe the slate clean and start again, remove everything that doesn't make you happy from yourself be that the clutter of your surroundings or certain people that bring you down and give yourself room to breath.  That means getting rid of the things you no longer have a use for, using things that can be used and storing the rest for the many rainy days we have to come.

6. And last but certainly not least, take care of yourself.  Feed from within and only with good things.  I read somewhere the other day that 'Food is the most abused drug for anxiety and depression and exercise is the least utilised antidepressant'.  I couldn't have put it better myself.  You will never regret going for that run or even taking a quick walk through the park and eating good things instead of junk and you will look and feel better for it.

This year I'm not calling them resolutions because that means they are made only to be broken in a few months, I'm calling these my lessons learnt of 2015 only to be improved on in the following year.

Do let me know if there are any lessons you have learnt in the past year that I haven't mentioned and what your ambitions are for the coming 12 months.

New MAC purchases...

So recently I made and impromptu pit stop into a MAC store which doesn't bode well for any beauty addict's bank balance but I hardly ever buy anything from MAC ( I think I have about 5 products in total including those pictured above) and sometimes the things you pick up on impulse tend to be your most treasured.  Case and point on this particular occasion where I spent all of 2 minutes swatching all the nudes I could find and I ended up taking Angel and Velvet Teddy home.

For an impromptu purchase I couldn't be happier.  Don't let the picture fool you they look very similar but they are very different.

Angel is a Frost finish so a bit sheerer than Velvet teddy and it is most definitely a pinky nude with a slightly glossy/shimmery finish on the lips.  Velvet teddy is a bit more of a browny nude and a Matte finish so gives more of a Kylie Jenner-esque finish that everybody craves these days.  Velvet Teddy is very close to my natural lip colour, just slightly browner in tone and although it is matte it's not drying in the slightest and leaves a comfortable feel.  I can't believe it's taken me this long to try MAC lipsticks but I think this may have started a new found love affair which may be very bad for my bank balance but very very good for my inner beauty addict.

What are your MAC favourites and do you guys have any lipstick recommendations? 

Nip and Fab Bee Sting Eye Cream...The verdict

After posting this picture on Instagram a fair few weeks ago it got quite a bit of attention and I promised a full review with my thoughts after I'd spent a bit more time using it so this is what I'm sitting down to type up for you today.

Having used this now for quite a while, about 9 weeks to be exact I'm still a little bit torn.  Nip and Fab is a brand that always intrigues me when I step into a Boots store and I often spend a fair few minutes perusing their interestingly named products which claim to contain quite innovative ingredients.  Not only do they have a Bee Venom range but also a Viper Venom and Dragon's Blood range to name a few.  Not going to lie it's the Bee Venom that initially attracted me to this product but actually when I started using it my under eyes just drank this up and loved me for it.  There is a slight feeling of a tingle or tighten when first applied but now I don't even notice when I put it on but it's become a staple in my daily routine and am quite enjoying the thick creamy texture for my dry papery skin.

The reason why I say I'm a little bit torn about this product is because before using this I was using nothing for an eye cream and so I can't differentiate between whether  it's actually the Bee Fix that reduced the puffiness and dark circles or whether ANYTHING would have given the same results given the utter deprivation my under eyes were experiencing.  I will however give the product its dues as it has reduced some of the puffiness, my dark circles seem to be lighter and although I haven't noticed a huge difference on the fine lines I was concerned about I think it will take a lot more use and persistence to impact those crows feet but I will continue using it as the Nip and Fab website does claim big things from this little yellow tub of craziness and I'm hoping it delivers.  I'm intrigued to try some of Nip and Fab's other products so if anybody has any reviews or has tried any of their other products and has any thoughts on them please do let me know...

Adjusting to a Gluten Free life...

I'm writing this post as somebody who is still very new to this whole Gluten Free way of life.  I've pretty much exhausted every avenue of educating myself on how to adjust and how to make the changes without feeling like it's all a chore.  I'm hoping that this post will not only help others that are feeling a bit lost on the whole subject of Gluten but also help myself to break it all down and absorb everything.

So lets starts with what gluten actually is..Gluten is the name of the composite protein present in wheat, rye and barley and their various cross-breeds.

For those suffering with Coeliacs disease there is an autoimmune reaction to Gluten which leads to very physical symptoms such as Diarrhoea, Cramping abdominal pain, Weight loss, Fatigue and Joint pain. Having suffered with a fair few of those symptoms on and off for many years, I recently said enough is enough and began experimenting with different food types.  I began keeping food diaries and noting which foods resulted in the worst symptoms, I tried cutting out all dairy to see if this made a difference which it didn't.  So i knew I wasn't lactose intolerant.  I then decided to trial a few weeks without any gluten and almost instantly felt much better.  I had the occasional flair up but nothing as extreme as what I had been suffering with for years.  So I made an appointment with my GP who booked me some blood tests but for an autoimmune reaction to show in the blood tests it meant I had to bring back as much gluten into my diet as I could, the more the better she said but as I did I noticed I was constantly tired and fatigued, constantly in pain and just felt horrid.

Although the blood tests showed nothing significant I am still in the process of having lots of investigations and food allergy tests to rule out Coeliacs, but in the meantime I'm adopting a completely GF lifestyle (as much as I physically can!)

I do have the occasional relapse and eat something with gluten in just because it's easier and let's face it...tastes so much better!  But I always regret it and vow never to touch anything with gluten again.  I think my mind hasn't totally accepted this way of life because I haven't had a physical diagnosis of anything but until then I'm doing what feels right for my body.

Now this Gluten Free journey is all very new to me and I'm still not a hundred percent sure it's what I'm intolerant too or if it's other foods that are contributing to my symptoms but I'm going to keep you all posted on my new food journey.

I would love to hear all about other's Gluten Free journeys and how you found the adjustments so if there is anybody else out there going through a similar journey please do leave me a comment as I'd love to hear about it.

The importance of us time...

Having not typed a post in quite a while I fancied writing one today but I didn't want to do a review of a product or talk about anything in particular so this post is going to be a little chatty musing about our recent little holiday and the importance of just leaving the daily grind behind every now and then and experiencing something new...

Since getting married everything changed and I've considered writing a post about surviving marriage for newlyweds because I sure wish I'd read the handbook before I experienced the tears and tantrums myself but here we are a year on and things are looking up, life is getting easier and I may put together another post about surviving the first year of marriage for now this is just a ramble about the benefits of R and R.

Sometimes life stops being fun and just becomes a bit of a chore, everyday turns into the same monotonous repeated routine of waking up and going to work, coming home and having a meltdown from the stresses of work, then dragging yourself to bed only to wake yourself up again 6 hours later just to go back to work again.  Well for us, having not had a break since our honeymoon which was a year ago, this routine had just become too much!

Cue the beautiful views you see below courtesy of Tenerife.  A good dose of vitamin D and a few days free from the everyday worries of life is just what we needed and we've come back feeling fresh, and ready to tackle life again with a new perspective on what had become a dull and boring life.

I've recently come to realise I'm Gluten intolerant and where adjusting to the big changes in food at home where everything is familiar was hard enough, doing so on holiday was a bit of a nightmare.  i would recommend contacting your hotel resort first or even just doing a bit of good old googling on the location and their dietary facilities.  Luckily for me I work with somebody who lived in Tenerife for two years and so she had already educated me on the local supermarkets and said I would be able to find all I needed at a place called Mercadona, a supermarket owned by somebody who's children are all gluten intolerant which meant he stocked absolutely everything I could need or want.

Now that we are home we can't wait to book the next holiday!

Any recommendations?

A bit of a different one...My anxiety story and how I'm learning to cope

This post comes to you, coffee cup in hand, headphones in and anxiety through the roof!  Having spent the last three days in bed off work and covered in my own vomit (nice image that!) Inevitably my anxiety has progressively skyrocketed and my over-worked brain just simply couldn't handle it anymore hence this post... I think I should just add here as a side note that I have a viral infection which is why I have been off sick from work and why this is vomit in my hair, the anxiety is secondary to this, not the primary cause...

Now if you would like shortened down version check out my latest Instagram post which explains in a nutshell how I'm feeling and what pushed me to begin writing this today.  If however you're brave and want the long winded torturous version then wow are you in for a fun filled ride.  Sit back with a (strong) drink and brace yourself...

All jokes aside this is going to be quite a serious post, with some pretty personal background noise so if you do feel the need to comment please be pleasant.

Recently anxiety has become a much more spoken about subject with a lot more high profile faces coming out of the anxious closet and although this gave people, people like myself included to accept it more, I still didn't quite understand it but I didn't feel as much of a freak as I did when I first had a panic attack on a bus because the driver was having issues with the doors not closing properly, everytime he turned the engine on and off and those bus doors refused to close my heart began to beat faster and faster until I literally felt like I couldn't breath and ran from the bus only to end up on a lonely street with no other way of getting home.  Long story short I ended up calling my dad who, as a dad does, dropped everything and came to get me.  I panicked for about 20 minutes and then slept for about 3 hours after because I was exhausted.  So although I really do believe the increased coverage on anxiety has been a very positive thing I can't help but think it's been a bit glamourised, is it cool to have anxiety now?  Has the word been thrown about a bit too much and a bit too loosely to be taken seriously anymore?  I'm sure anybody who suffers with anxiety will know it's not nice. it's not glamorous and I frankly wish it would just sod off for good!

It's safe to say I led a good childhood, being blessed with an amazing and loving set of parents meant I never went without, they always have and continue to strive to ensure we come first and I will never be able to repay them for everything they have done for us but where things were not so happy were school, I never felt I fit in completely and flitted from one set of friends to the other, this continued to college and when it came to university I had more or less isolated myself from the world.  I moved away from home and went to live in London for Uni so I literally knew nobody there.  Without delving too deep into the past as some things are quite raw and personal, a serious of events occurred whilst in London that consequently led to not only anxiety and depression and taking a lot of time off but also being told I may have to quit my Uni course.  I never spoke to anybody about those events, they stayed very bottled up even to this day.

Fear not this story has a happy ending, I fought for my place on my course and refused to let what had happened get the better of me, even when I had given up and I called my mum to say I couldn't do it anymore she said I had nothing to lose and give it my last shot, I passed and it led to me walking up that stage twatted up in a cap and gown holding my scroll for dear life constantly thinking they may take it away from me at some point.  Wow I didn't realise how hard this would all be to write...

OK BREATH...

Ultimately whenever negative events occur in life, however small they may be whether it's an argument with a loved one or becoming a little bit poorly my anxiety flairs up progressively and the longer the negative occurance continues (for example being sick for 3 days and counting...) the worse my anxiety seems to get.  Having just started a new job being sick isn't ideal in anybody's books but sprinkle anxiety on top of it and you get me! Frantically thinking I'm going to get back into work and be fired because I caught a virus I had no control over!  My brain does not think rationally when things don't go to a plan and I begin to see the worst POSSIBLE outcome, however unlikely it may be, if it's a possibility, it's a reality to me!

So ultimately this post is to help me and anybody else who could quite possible have a nutty as brain as mine to think, hold on there! Have you heard yourself?!  Evidently these were actually my husband's words today after I said...'But what if I get fired?!'  Sometimes I know how stupid it sounds but my brain somehow makes it sound rational and all I really want is for somebody to say, listen you crazy bitch, the likelihood of that happening is almost the same as pork loin airlines doing chartered flights to europe but... maybe in a more diplomatic way.  So husband, if you're reading this, when I turn into crazy neurotic bitch resist the urge to slap me and just tell me everything's going to be fine.

Firstly, when anxiety and paranoia strikes DO SOMETHING, anything just get your mind off whatever it is that is frantically going round and round in your mind.  I have tried a lot of thing today, reading (Gone girl is my book of choice at the moment), watching youtube videos (I will never tire of watching Hannah Michalak and her beautiful little family), cooking (although recently I have become sick of cooking), cleaning (yes I most definitely am sick!).  Literally anything to get myself out of that rut that is feeling sick and consequently letting anxiety rule my life.

Sometimes however rather than giving your brain more to do it's better to try and give it less to do, so run a nice hot bath, this is one of my favourite things as with my anxiety I tend to be very tense which leads to headaches and then I just can't switch off.  I run a nice hot bath with something which is going to help me relax.  Aromatherapy Associates bath oils are amazing for relaxing the mind or if you're after something a bit more fun, Lush is the place to go.

Venture out of your safe little bubble, us anxious little beans have a very naughty little habit of creating a lovely cosy little hole for ourselves which has everything we need to survive, our constant caffeine supply, all of our social media and worst of all absolutely no signs of human life for miles around.  This is not beneficial behaviour and will lead to you eventually becoming a snivelling anxious mess, believe me, it's not pretty.  As much as it will physically hurt to peel back the covers and get yourself outdoors, DO IT! I have spent the last three days projectile vomiting and nauseous like a bitch but unless you're physically crawling on your hands and knees you have no excuses not to step outside.  Get some fresh air, take in the sights, soak up the vitamin D and I promise you, you will come home feeling just a little bit better, lighter, calmer and less anxious.

Talk to someone, now that doesn't necessarily mean a counselor or professional.  That never worked for me and I tried many things from just talking to someone to CBT.  It may work for you in which case USE IT, don't take it for granted and implement the techniques into your day to day like to ensure you get the most from it but if you're like me and it's less beneficial for you talk to your mum, or your dad, your best friend or your partner but someone you trust and who understands your circumstances.  For me I have certain people that I know I can go to in certain situations who will instantly calm me and ease my worries, they are my rocks and they know who they are, and I don't tell them often enough how much they keep me sane and how much I really love them.  They each play a unique and integral part in keeping me grounded and helping me constantly grow so that I can lead a more 'normal' life and well that's very very important to me so thanks guys! You're all amazing in your own rights.

I seem to have opened the floodgates and literally cannot stop rambling now so I will stop for now but what I've learnt just from piecing this post together is that the two days of tears, tantrums and copious amounts of coffee have helped me release some of the anxiety that had been accumulating for a while.  So maybe another tip should be to sit down with a notebook and pen or diary or laptop and just begin releasing as this has helped immensely and now I'm off to try and enjoy the rest of my day.  I hope this was helpful to atleast somebody out there and if it wasn't well, it helped me so it wasn't a total waste.

The Dreamy Foundation Post...

Excuse my horrible nails and feast your eyes on my new favourite foundation.  This is quite literally the dreamiest thing to have had the pleasure of gracing my face.  I picked this up on a whim because I really do NOT need another foundation in my collection but after noticing it on the shelves and swatching it on my hand I simply had to take it home.  The colour match was perfect (on my hand) and it was as if I was blending air onto my skin,  As it says on the bottle the Dream Flawless Nude foundation is very fluid-like.  It's safe to say the consistency is a strange cross between an oil and water and I'm sure when you try this you will kind of understand what I mean by that.

On application it sort of slips onto the skin as though a silicone based primer would or an oily base and I'm often left blending for dear life thinking is this even working but the end result is as close to perfection as you can possibly get with a medium coverage foundation which to me leans more towards the full end of the spectrum.  I'm fairly blessed in that I rarely breakout and my under eyes don't need a three step concealer programme to hide any lost sleep so this does a pretty darn good job of making my skin look...well flawless as the name would suggest.

When I picked this up it was on for the introductory price in Superdrug for £5.99 which was even more of an incentive to impulse buy, not that I really needed one.

I'm always up for trying new foundations so leave me comment with your favourite foundation picks and let me know if you've tried this one and what you thought of it?