Saturday, 1 June 2013

The wanderer returns...

Hey there beautifuls

Wow I haven't sat at my laoptop and written anything on here for such a long time I feel like I need instructions for how to get started...

Yes I've been absent for a fair few  *ahem* months! But after having a really really bad day yesterday I woke up today with this real sense of urgency to speak to someone, so here I am putting myself out there for all to see.

I started a new job, at a great hospital with the best reputation in the country or so it claimed, yet I hated my job, i hated going in everyday, in fact it made me sick, physically and mentally.  Although I predominantly work with females who should be sympathetic right? I was bullied for being the newbie, shouted at (in a hospital!) talked down to, and words really hurt.  Surprisingly the people who mostly made it a pleasure to work there were the DR's! dont believe this misconception that drs and nurses don't mix people! we got on like a house on fire (and so obviously I was taunted for supposedly flirting with the drs and bullied because the drs seemed to prefer asking me for help than other nurses who had been there for years..) 

If you hadn't guessed it already I'm a nurse working in London but I don't think I've actually had a day where I've come home happy with my job or with a sense of pride that I've done something good.  Instead I just felt run down and used by my so-called colleagues...

So after a horrible day (which was actually bad partially for non-work related reasons) I vowed to change my life, now usually people make small changes, a new haircut maybe? mani? Me?! I typed out an email of resignation to my manager and promptly began to search for other jobs!

I feel like a weight's been lifted from my shoulders, finally feel like I can breath for the first time in a while as there is light at the end of the tunnel.

I became a nurse to nurse, to help improve the quality of life of my patients, to help rehabilitate their health both physically and mentally, instead I was told by my colleagues I hadn't done enough, nothing is ever good enough despite the lovely old lady who's kissed my hand today and thanked me over and over for my patience and gentleness, despite the family of a patient who's just passed away thanking me so much for making their relatives final few days peaceful and pain-free, OH NO you haven't filled in the forms for the new admission thats just come in! bad nurse! spend your break crying in the staff room, but only for a minute, pull yourself together and then help dish out the dinners! oh and that 5 minutes you spent wailing in the staff room..? that counts as your statutory 30 minute break, I hope you cried all your tears in those 5 minutes because you wont get another one for the rest of your shift!

Then I look around and see all the other nurses, they have the same look in their eye, the same worn expression, I can't be the only one feeling this way right? 

If you're unhappy its a taboo to speak of it, never complain and just get on with it, well I am getting on with it, I'm moving away from the things that drain me physically and mentally and make me feel worthless and I'm trying something new

who's with me?